#ExcerptWeek – P. S. I Forgive You by D. G. Kaye

DG quote PS I Forgive You (2)

Thank you, Marcia for inviting me over again to share an excerpt of my work in progress. I’m going to admit I am a bit gun-shy because I never usually share my unpolished work, and please keep in mind this is only a second draft.

This segment is from my upcoming book P.S. I Forgive You. This is the sequel to my memoir, my first book, Conflicted Hearts, which was written and published while my narcissistic mother was still alive. This new book is closure to the hurts from emotional abuse and neglect, with understanding, and ultimately the forgiveness I found for my mother.

Excerpt from WIP – P.S. I Forgive You

Karma

It was up to me to break the bad Karma, according to the psychic reader and seer of past lives I was highly recommended to visit, while I was in Sedona, Arizona, early September of 2014.

After she informed me about events that would occur in my life in the coming year, Rayne granted me three questions. Being the skeptic I am, I was careful not to reveal much when having the reading done, in order to gauge how much the reader could tell me without my volunteering information. I merely nodded my head in affirmation when she’d say something accurate. Then I proceeded to ask her my questions.

I asked a minimally phrased question to Rayne, not wanting to divulge anything about my mother. “What about my mother?”

“What about your mother?” Rayne replied. She stared deep into my eyes with an inquisitive raised eyebrow. She looked at me in question, perhaps waiting for more before she told me she didn’t feel the presence of my mother in my life. My eyes held her gaze for a moment, but I didn’t offer another word.

Rayne proceeded to take a large, ancient-looking deck of cards out of a black velvet bag. She informed me these were not regular tarot cards, but her personal cards, handed down to her from past generations from her home in Thailand.

Dominating thoughts of my mother plagued my head with the guilt once again in that moment while Rayne shuffled the cards. I couldn’t seem to stop dwelling on the last time I abandoned my mother seven years before, because I knew, she wouldn’t live out the current year. My torturing thoughts nagged within, battling my indecision about whether or not I had to go see her and say good-bye before she died. Even though I knew it would have been a fruitless exercise, and would have only subjected me to more abuse, I still couldn’t manage to shake the guilt I carried.

Rayne continued placing her cards in a pattern of some random magical order, and raised her eyes to meet mine. In a soothing voice, she confirmed the truth, “Your mother is not in your life.” And then she added, “No, you don’t have to go back, but you must pray for her.” A feeling of relief ran through me as though she had read my mind, confirming and consoling me, by telling me it was okay not to have to go back.

After Rayne made that statement, I became eager to share some thoughts with her. She’d pegged the question plaguing me as every day passed in the few months before mother died. I let Rayne know I had already been praying for my mother every day, for seven years, even though we weren’t speaking. Rayne once again confirmed that was all I needed to do.

In the next sentence, Rayne informed me that my mother and I were mortal enemies in a past life. Vague as that statement was, I could almost understand it. Rayne continued, “Your mother didn’t learn her life lessons in this or her past life, and your conflicts weren’t resolved in your present lives.” She also shared with me that I didn’t choose to be born to my family, I was sent there. Rayne didn’t elaborate on that sentence. The past life regression part she was touching on wasn’t part of the reading package I’d purchased. She told me she was sharing those facts because they were so prominent in the cards.

I wanted to know more, but neither time, nor money permitted as a past life reading involved an hour and a half long session, and several hundred dollars more. I didn’t want to abuse her power, or seem like I was trying to weasel out any extra information, but I was compelled to ask Rayne why I was sent to my family. She told me I was sent there to teach my mother life-lessons.

Rayne reminded me once again to keep praying for my mother. She explained to me that by praying for her soul while she was alive, it would break the bad Karma between us that carried over into this life. Rayne continued, letting me know I’d be set free by praying for my mother, and that she would finally learn her lessons after she left this world.

I took solace in Rayne’s words. My intuition has always led me to believe I have some sense of an inner knowing, and that knowing strangely reminds me of the invisible hold my mother has always had on me. Somehow, this tiny piece of understanding from Rayne made me realize that life is bigger than anything I could ever imagine.

 My body felt a calming from my agitated state of conflict. A weight lifted from my soul. I received the confirmation. It was okay for me not to go back.

Six weeks later, my mother died.
D.G. Kaye ©2016

D.G. Kaye Author

Author D. G. Kaye 

Please drop by my blog and visit at www.dgkayewriter.com  and visit my author page on Amazon  www.amazon.com/author/dgkaye7

My Books:

Conflicted Hearts           www.smarturl.it/bookconflictedhearts
Words We Carry             www.smarturl.it/bookwordswecarry
MenoWhat? A Memoir www.smarturl.it/bookMenowhatAMemoir
Have Bags, Will Travel   www.smarturl.it/bookHaveBags

 

 

 

37 thoughts on “#ExcerptWeek – P. S. I Forgive You by D. G. Kaye

      • I’m impressed with your strength in sharing these painful and personal details. When Eugene O’Neil wrote Long Day’s Journey Into Night in 1941, he drew up a contract with his publisher specifying that it couldn’t be published for 25 years after his death. (Which was circumvented by Yale when they received the rights to it and promptly published in 1956 but still…)

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        • I’d heard something about that Barb. And I can say that writing a book in any genre can be painful, especially when there’s much truth in fiction. But writing memoir has its own special kind of pain, especially reliving unpleasant experiences, and reading it over and over in rewrites can often be depressing. 🙂

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  1. Polished or not, this is heart-wrenching, as Barb says. I suspect many of us can identify with mother issues, even if slightly different. And I’ve never been to talk to someone like Rayne, either. Very interesting process, but whatever route one takes, if it brings you to peace and acceptance . . . and forgiveness . . . I’m in favor of it. 🙂 Thanks for sharing, Deb, and good luck getting the final revisions done, and publishing your book.

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  2. Thanks for sharing this, Debby. It sounds like it will be a fascinating, if painful read – and I imagine painful to write. I have Conflicted Hearts on my kindle and it’s climbing up the tbr pile.

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    • Thaks so much Mary. It was the most painful book I’ve written yet, even more so than CH, for some reason. Thank you again, and I’m glad we’re both creeping up to the tops of our reading with each other’s books, lol. 🙂

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  3. Fascinating snippet, Deb.
    Conflicted Hearts was a revelation to me about a personality type I knew nothing about, and the trauma it inflicted upon all those around your mother. I’m so pleased you were able to find solace and forgiveness in the end and I’m really looking forward to reading about it in the new book.

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    • Thanks so much Deb. Yes, narcissism was something I didn’t know too much about either, that it was the clinical label for my mother’s behavior. The forgiveness I found nearing her death, inspired me to write the book. Thanks for your ongoing support and friendship. 🙂 ❤

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  4. You are very brave to share this on the written page, Deb, but my feeling is that the world is a better place when we admit to and acknowledge the pain. It is, as you describe, the first step toward freedom from it and eventually forgiveness of those who caused the pain.

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    • Thanks so much Kassandra. It did take a bit of bravery, and a nudge from Marcia, I admit, lol. I found it much easier to lessen my burden by forgiving. But it was a process. And I hope by sharing my story that others who’ve encountered similar situations that overpower their own lives can learn that we can still find forgiveness, for our own sake.

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      • I think sharing your story will definitely help! Forgiveness is definitely for “our own sake” and it is definitely a process. As a therapist (retired), it sets my teeth on edge when people say, “Oh, you just need to forgive so-and-so who wronged you.” No, it is nowhere close to that easy. By sharing your process you will help people realize that and see how the process can unfold. Best of luck with the WIP!!

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  5. Wow! Absolutely beautiful excerpt, be it from real life experience or fiction.
    It hooked me at once.
    As about being linked to real life. . . worse things may happen, trust me. Like being abandoned and raised in an orphanage,or left in the draught to catch a cold and die. . .
    It sounds a very emotional book and I am sure it will be a best seller. Best of luck, DG!

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    • Thank you so much Carmen. Unfortunately, it’s real life, it’s a memoir. And I’m assuming your comment was inferring to some unpleasantries in your own childhood.
      It seems many of us carry burdens from our younger lives. But by sharing them, not only can it become a cathartic experience, but helpful to so many others. 🙂

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      • Yes, you assume right. I am what I am due to the warm hearts of people I always called my family! Not blood related but those who loved me, brought me up assured that I have a high education and considered me their own flesh and blood, God rest in peace their generous souls!
        In my opinion our books/stories are as you say cathartic as in each of them there’s a bit of our life. I know that in mine there is.

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        • It’s much easier to think about our blessings, than to dwell on past hurts. You were blessed to find some good people in your life. And I look forward to reading your books Carmen. 🙂

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  6. Debby, I think it takes a lot of courage to share a fictional WIP, and what you’ve shared is personal, powerful, gripping, and far beyond any work of fiction. I’ve always said that forgiveness is not a gift you give someone else, but a gift you give to yourself, and your words reinforce that. I’m so glad you shared your work with the rest of the world. It offers hope and peace to others struggling with personal issues, even if they’re nothing like what you experienced. Many thanks. XO

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    • Thank you Amy for your touching words of encouragement. I’m hoping this book, although my story, will resonate with so many, allowing them to permit themselves to free their own selves with forgiveness. ❤

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  7. I loved Conflicted Hearts. I love that you are writing another book. I think what you have gone through, it is a journey. Not just one book. Though I don’t believe in reincarnation, it is interesting to give your mom an excuse for her outrageous behavior toward her own child.
    I am not sure how you came out as amazing as you have. But it proves that the cycle can be broken.
    This is such an emotional story for all of us. On some level, our mother relationships all have issues, no matter how great. And for those even remotely as issue filled as yours—- Your story is so helpful!!!! There will never be enough books about it.
    Keep writing my friend.

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    • Thank you so much Diane, for visiting here and leaving your kind words. It took me many years to learn this forgiveness, and hopefully by sharing this story, others can learn there is a way. ❤

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  8. DG, this excerpt speaks volumes from so many sides! I sense the guilt, which plagues so many of us in one way or another; the pain of being hurt, yet still loving (because after all they are our parents); and the drive and need to find some sort of release from the guilt, but mostly the need to find a love connection – some tie that lets you know there had to be some sort of love toward you in her heart. And that you wanted to love her with all the love that a child should have for a parent – not the adulterated version, but the real thing.
    Thank you for sharing this with us, and truly keep going forward, both in your writing and in your healing.

    Blessings,
    Marianne ♥

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      • I really did! The human heart seems very complicated, yet it is very simple. It’s quest is only to love and be loved…I had a dream one night where I was told “If you only knew how much God radiantly loved you!…” (I won’t go into the enormous implications of that here) – But I add the three points at the end because it doesn’t end there. Then what? is the next question, and I suppose that can be be answered only by us. ♥

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  9. I don’t think I’ve mentioned these in any books, but I do write them down. And I have mentioned this particular one in some posts and such. I look forward to hearing what you think about the books when you get a chance. I know we are so busy, which is one reason I like that my stories come out as novellas…it gives the reader a chance to get a good story without too much time committed….just enough to relax. Enjoy a lovely evening D.G. (do you prefer DG or Deb – I’d like to call you by what you prefer)♥♥

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  10. Thanks so much Marianne. I too enjoy novellas so I can get a chance to read more books. And no worries, I will be sure to let you know when I’ve read it, soon! ❤ And please, call me Debby. 🙂

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