Thank you, Marcia for inviting me over again to share an excerpt of my work in progress. I’m going to admit I am a bit gun-shy because I never usually share my unpolished work, and please keep in mind this is only a second draft.
This segment is from my upcoming book P.S. I Forgive You. This is the sequel to my memoir, my first book, Conflicted Hearts, which was written and published while my narcissistic mother was still alive. This new book is closure to the hurts from emotional abuse and neglect, with understanding, and ultimately the forgiveness I found for my mother.
Excerpt from WIP – P.S. I Forgive You
It was up to me to break the bad Karma, according to the psychic reader and seer of past lives I was highly recommended to visit, while I was in Sedona, Arizona, early September of 2014.
After she informed me about events that would occur in my life in the coming year, Rayne granted me three questions. Being the skeptic I am, I was careful not to reveal much when having the reading done, in order to gauge how much the reader could tell me without my volunteering information. I merely nodded my head in affirmation when she’d say something accurate. Then I proceeded to ask her my questions.
I asked a minimally phrased question to Rayne, not wanting to divulge anything about my mother. “What about my mother?”
“What about your mother?” Rayne replied. She stared deep into my eyes with an inquisitive raised eyebrow. She looked at me in question, perhaps waiting for more before she told me she didn’t feel the presence of my mother in my life. My eyes held her gaze for a moment, but I didn’t offer another word.
Rayne proceeded to take a large, ancient-looking deck of cards out of a black velvet bag. She informed me these were not regular tarot cards, but her personal cards, handed down to her from past generations from her home in Thailand.
Dominating thoughts of my mother plagued my head with the guilt once again in that moment while Rayne shuffled the cards. I couldn’t seem to stop dwelling on the last time I abandoned my mother seven years before, because I knew, she wouldn’t live out the current year. My torturing thoughts nagged within, battling my indecision about whether or not I had to go see her and say good-bye before she died. Even though I knew it would have been a fruitless exercise, and would have only subjected me to more abuse, I still couldn’t manage to shake the guilt I carried.
Rayne continued placing her cards in a pattern of some random magical order, and raised her eyes to meet mine. In a soothing voice, she confirmed the truth, “Your mother is not in your life.” And then she added, “No, you don’t have to go back, but you must pray for her.” A feeling of relief ran through me as though she had read my mind, confirming and consoling me, by telling me it was okay not to have to go back.
After Rayne made that statement, I became eager to share some thoughts with her. She’d pegged the question plaguing me as every day passed in the few months before mother died. I let Rayne know I had already been praying for my mother every day, for seven years, even though we weren’t speaking. Rayne once again confirmed that was all I needed to do.
In the next sentence, Rayne informed me that my mother and I were mortal enemies in a past life. Vague as that statement was, I could almost understand it. Rayne continued, “Your mother didn’t learn her life lessons in this or her past life, and your conflicts weren’t resolved in your present lives.” She also shared with me that I didn’t choose to be born to my family, I was sent there. Rayne didn’t elaborate on that sentence. The past life regression part she was touching on wasn’t part of the reading package I’d purchased. She told me she was sharing those facts because they were so prominent in the cards.
I wanted to know more, but neither time, nor money permitted as a past life reading involved an hour and a half long session, and several hundred dollars more. I didn’t want to abuse her power, or seem like I was trying to weasel out any extra information, but I was compelled to ask Rayne why I was sent to my family. She told me I was sent there to teach my mother life-lessons.
Rayne reminded me once again to keep praying for my mother. She explained to me that by praying for her soul while she was alive, it would break the bad Karma between us that carried over into this life. Rayne continued, letting me know I’d be set free by praying for my mother, and that she would finally learn her lessons after she left this world.
I took solace in Rayne’s words. My intuition has always led me to believe I have some sense of an inner knowing, and that knowing strangely reminds me of the invisible hold my mother has always had on me. Somehow, this tiny piece of understanding from Rayne made me realize that life is bigger than anything I could ever imagine.
My body felt a calming from my agitated state of conflict. A weight lifted from my soul. I received the confirmation. It was okay for me not to go back.
Six weeks later, my mother died.
D.G. Kaye ©2016
Author D. G. Kaye
Conflicted Hearts www.smarturl.it/bookconflictedhearts
Words We Carry www.smarturl.it/bookwordswecarry
MenoWhat? A Memoir www.smarturl.it/bookMenowhatAMemoir
Have Bags, Will Travel www.smarturl.it/bookHaveBags