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Today, I’m very happy to welcome D. G. Kaye to #ExcerptWeek here on The Write Stuff. Deb has been having all kinds of frustrating issues this last week, with both her ability to comment on this and other blogs, and issues getting her latest book formatted and published. I’m happy to say that things are starting to look up, and proud to present this excerpt for your reading pleasure. As always, please remember to share far and wide. And now, the floor is yours, Deb. Take it away!

P.S. I Forgive You

P.S. I Forgive You is a sequel to Conflicted Hearts, a memoir about my narcissistic mother, and the psychological hold she had on me by instilling guilt and fear when her demands weren’t complied with, and the heartache she bestowed on her loved ones.

This sequel is a stand alone in its own right. It’s a new journey about discovering and overcoming the narcissists inflictions, and ultimately, learning forgiveness, both for myself and my mother. The story is a completion of a life cycle, the cutting of the cord with all its frayed ends.

BLURB

“I hurt for her. She wasn’t much of a mother, but she was still my mother.”

Confronted with resurfacing feelings of guilt, D.G. Kaye is tormented by her decision to remain estranged from her dying emotionally abusive mother after resolving to banish her years ago, an event she has shared in her book Conflicted Hearts. In P.S. I Forgive You, Kaye takes us on a compelling heartfelt journey as she seeks to understand the roots of her mother’s narcissism, let go of past hurts, and find forgiveness for both her mother and herself.

After struggling for decades to break free, Kaye has severed the unhealthy ties that bound her to her dominating mother—but now Kaye battles new confliction, as the guilt she harbors over her decision only increases as the end of her mother’s life draws near. Kaye once again struggles with her conscience and her feelings of being obligated to return to a painful past she thought she left behind.

EXCERPT

The End Is Near

My mother had been dying for years, and through those years she refused to surrender her bitterness and remained in denial of her flaws. The many times I heard she was dying reminded me of the boy who cried wolf. I almost believed she was invincible, and even though I never wanted her to suffer, she did.

I thought it was just a horrible and sad way to die—holding hatred for those she had chased out of her life, living in bitter seclusion, knowing her days were numbered. Her once vibrant life had diminished into a mere existence of watching TV and complaining. She’d also given all her caregivers a difficult time, bitching at them all and letting them know how useless they were to her because of what her life had become. Nobody was exempt.

I asked my brother Robby why God didn’t just take her out of her misery and pain during one of the many times she was on the brink of death. Why would he not spare her from suffering? He replied, “God has his own plans.” I couldn’t help but wonder if he was letting her suffer because she had hurt so many people in her lifetime, but in my next thought I couldn’t believe God would play those cruel games, tit for tat.

I wondered what thoughts had to have been going through my mother’s head. How awful it must have been to know her time left on earth was limited. I thought about how frightened she must have felt in her lonely world, although she’d never admit it. I was sad for her, knowing that the anger and bitterness she displayed was a front for the depressed state of her pathetic life. I couldn’t fathom why she remained so obstinate in her resolve to spend what little time she had left wallowing in misery instead of embracing the end and making amends with her children. I wanted to fix her, but I didn’t know how.

~~~

D.G. Kaye Author
D. G. Kaye

D.G. Kaye was born and resides in Toronto, Canada. She is the author of Conflicted Hearts – A Daughter’s Quest for Solace From Emotional Guilt, Meno-What? – A Memoir, and Words We Carry. D.G. is a nonfiction/memoir writer. Kaye writes about her life experiences, matters of the heart and women’s issues.

D.G. writes to inspire others. Her writing encompasses stories taken from events she encountered in her own life, and the lessons that were taken from them. Her sunny outlook on life developed from learning to overcomes some of the many obstacles that challenged her. From an emotionally neglected childhood, to growing up with a narcissistic mother, leaving her with a severely deflated self-esteem, D.G. began seeking a path to rise above her issues. When she isn’t writing intimate memoirs, Kaye brings her natural sense of humor into her other works.

Find D. G. Kaye Here:

Connect with D.G. on her blog DGKayewriter.com
www.twitter.com/@pokercubster
www.facebook.com/dgkaye
www.linkedin.com/in/dgkaye7
www.google.com/+DebbyDGKayeGies
www.pinterest.com/dgkaye7
www.instagram.com/dgkaye

Find D. G. Kaye’s Books Here:

D.G.’s book, P.S. I Forgive You was just published this week. Check it out on Amazon Here! And Visit her Amazon Author page to view and purchase her other books.

DG quote PS I Forgive You (2)

Thank you, Marcia for inviting me over again to share an excerpt of my work in progress. I’m going to admit I am a bit gun-shy because I never usually share my unpolished work, and please keep in mind this is only a second draft.

This segment is from my upcoming book P.S. I Forgive You. This is the sequel to my memoir, my first book, Conflicted Hearts, which was written and published while my narcissistic mother was still alive. This new book is closure to the hurts from emotional abuse and neglect, with understanding, and ultimately the forgiveness I found for my mother.

Excerpt from WIP – P.S. I Forgive You

Karma

It was up to me to break the bad Karma, according to the psychic reader and seer of past lives I was highly recommended to visit, while I was in Sedona, Arizona, early September of 2014.

After she informed me about events that would occur in my life in the coming year, Rayne granted me three questions. Being the skeptic I am, I was careful not to reveal much when having the reading done, in order to gauge how much the reader could tell me without my volunteering information. I merely nodded my head in affirmation when she’d say something accurate. Then I proceeded to ask her my questions.

I asked a minimally phrased question to Rayne, not wanting to divulge anything about my mother. “What about my mother?”

“What about your mother?” Rayne replied. She stared deep into my eyes with an inquisitive raised eyebrow. She looked at me in question, perhaps waiting for more before she told me she didn’t feel the presence of my mother in my life. My eyes held her gaze for a moment, but I didn’t offer another word.

Rayne proceeded to take a large, ancient-looking deck of cards out of a black velvet bag. She informed me these were not regular tarot cards, but her personal cards, handed down to her from past generations from her home in Thailand.

Dominating thoughts of my mother plagued my head with the guilt once again in that moment while Rayne shuffled the cards. I couldn’t seem to stop dwelling on the last time I abandoned my mother seven years before, because I knew, she wouldn’t live out the current year. My torturing thoughts nagged within, battling my indecision about whether or not I had to go see her and say good-bye before she died. Even though I knew it would have been a fruitless exercise, and would have only subjected me to more abuse, I still couldn’t manage to shake the guilt I carried.

Rayne continued placing her cards in a pattern of some random magical order, and raised her eyes to meet mine. In a soothing voice, she confirmed the truth, “Your mother is not in your life.” And then she added, “No, you don’t have to go back, but you must pray for her.” A feeling of relief ran through me as though she had read my mind, confirming and consoling me, by telling me it was okay not to have to go back.

After Rayne made that statement, I became eager to share some thoughts with her. She’d pegged the question plaguing me as every day passed in the few months before mother died. I let Rayne know I had already been praying for my mother every day, for seven years, even though we weren’t speaking. Rayne once again confirmed that was all I needed to do.

In the next sentence, Rayne informed me that my mother and I were mortal enemies in a past life. Vague as that statement was, I could almost understand it. Rayne continued, “Your mother didn’t learn her life lessons in this or her past life, and your conflicts weren’t resolved in your present lives.” She also shared with me that I didn’t choose to be born to my family, I was sent there. Rayne didn’t elaborate on that sentence. The past life regression part she was touching on wasn’t part of the reading package I’d purchased. She told me she was sharing those facts because they were so prominent in the cards.

I wanted to know more, but neither time, nor money permitted as a past life reading involved an hour and a half long session, and several hundred dollars more. I didn’t want to abuse her power, or seem like I was trying to weasel out any extra information, but I was compelled to ask Rayne why I was sent to my family. She told me I was sent there to teach my mother life-lessons.

Rayne reminded me once again to keep praying for my mother. She explained to me that by praying for her soul while she was alive, it would break the bad Karma between us that carried over into this life. Rayne continued, letting me know I’d be set free by praying for my mother, and that she would finally learn her lessons after she left this world.

I took solace in Rayne’s words. My intuition has always led me to believe I have some sense of an inner knowing, and that knowing strangely reminds me of the invisible hold my mother has always had on me. Somehow, this tiny piece of understanding from Rayne made me realize that life is bigger than anything I could ever imagine.

My body felt a calming from my agitated state of conflict. A weight lifted from my soul. I received the confirmation. It was okay for me not to go back.

D.G. Kaye Author