Chapter 6
“Don’t Stop Believing”
Journey
~~~ 

On an Empty Stretch of Unnamed Beach,
With Stars Wheeling Across the Ink-Black Sky,
And the Scent of Warm Salt and Cooling Blood in the Air. 

A GUNSHOT IS a shockingly loud thing. A gunshot six inches from your ear is even louder. And a gunshot accompanied by hot blood spraying across your face and a body tumbling into you, bleeding out against your chest—well, that’s absolutely horrifying.

Jake cried out, then clamped his hand over his mouth, muffling the shocked sobs he couldn’t control. He wrapped his arms around the stranger he’d been unable to save and rocked him back and forth, as though he could still shelter the man from this terrible thing. And when his sobs died away, the only sound still gracing the night was that of the lazy surf shushing its way along the shoreline.

Nearly an hour passed, but Jake remained unaware of anything beyond his overwhelming sorrow and guilt at allowing this man to die on his watch.

He’d failed Azrael.

~~~

“JAKE? JAKE, CAN you hear me? Let him go. There is nothing else you can do for him. Please, Jake. You have to let him go, now. We must get you out of here, before you are seen.”

Unwilling to face what had happened, Jake tried to ignore the words, but the speaker’s tone sharpened. “Jake! I need you here with me. Right now!”

Azrael had arrived.

Something painful stirred within Jake’s chest. He’d sworn never to disappoint the angel again, but he’d failed at his mission big time, and now he had to man up and face the music.

With a deep sigh, Jake forced himself to unclasp the cold body. His shoulders and arms had gone numb, and moving them hurt. How long had he been huddled there, wallowing in his misery? How long had Azrael been calling him? Minutes? Hours? He had no idea.

When he finally maneuvered himself into an upright position, he opened his eyes and found Azrael kneeling in the sand beside him. But instead of the righteous indignation Jake expected, the angel’s eyes were filled with compassion, and his voice was gentle.

“That is better, but you are covered in blood. Are you hurt?”

Jake shook his head. “It’s his blood. He only hurt himself. But Azrael, I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t even realize it was coming until it was too late.” He hung his head, tears stinging his eyes again. “I failed him. And I failed you, too.”

“It was not your failure at all. Let us return to your truck, and then we will talk. We must not linger.”

Azrael helped Jake to his feet. “Can you walk?”

“I think so.”

“Go on then. I will join you as soon as I eliminate any indication that you have been here.”

Jake slogged toward the distant parking lot, his bare feet sinking into the deep sand. All the earlier joy in walking alone on a moonlit beach had disappeared, and every step became slower than the one before. The parking lot seemed miles away, much farther than he could navigate on his own. Exhausted, he staggered to a halt, longing to drop to the ground and never get up again.

And then Azrael appeared beside him. The angel handed Jake his shoes then took his hand. In a heartbeat, they were inside the truck’s cabin.

Jake fumbled for his keys, but Azrael shook his head. “We can stay here until you are ready. I cannot keep people off an entire beach, but no one will pull into this area until after we leave.”

“Because you did the ‘Pass By’ thing?”

“Yes.”

They sat in silence for a moment as Jake tried to gather his thoughts. Overwhelmed with guilt and grief, he tried three times before he could choke out, “I’m so sorry.”

“I am sorry, too. It hurts to lose one, but this was not your fault.”

“How can you say that? The man blew his brains out because I wasn’t able to reach him.”

“No. He blew his brains out because he was too far gone to hear you. Or anyone else. Short of tying him down, you could not have stopped him.”

“But I should’ve been able to. I should’ve found the right words to make him rethink what he was about to do. He seemed calm, and I thought I could get through to him. I thought I had it under control, but I didn’t. Not even close. And I should’ve—”

“Stop. You did everything exactly right. And you did everything you could have done. Guilt is a waste of time and energy when it is over something you cannot change. And it is an even bigger waste of time when it is over something that is not your fault. Look at me, Jake. You have seen me angry. Do I look angry with you now?”

Jake studied the angel’s gentle eyes. “No, and I don’t understand why not.”

“Do you remember me telling you that you cannot save them all? That some are so far gone, you can never hope to turn them around?”

“I do, but I didn’t see that in him. With Hunter, despair leaked from every pore. No one could have missed his desperation.”

“Possibly not. But this man was not Hunter Painter. This man had been lost for a very long time, and he did not care to be found. In fact, hiding was something he knew how to do very well.”

Jake considered Azrael’s words, and then, it clicked. “It wasn’t the first time he’d killed someone, was it?”

“No.”

“Then why did it upset him so much he shot himself?”

The angel shook his head. “Even for those of us who have been around a very long time, it is not always easy to read the thoughts of men—to understand why they make the choices they do. I think this man simply grew tired of it all.”

“You’re saying he killed himself because he was bored? What kind of man does something like that?”

“The kind who no longer believes that life has meaning or value.”

“But he told me her name. Why, if none of it mattered?”

“I wish I had an answer for you, but I do not. Perhaps he just wanted to be sure someone knew she was dead, or that he was the one who did it.”

“Like he was keeping score and wanted her counted?”

“Maybe. Or maybe she meant something to him. We will never know the answer, and it is better that way. There are many things we are not meant to understand, Jake. Some things are part of a bigger plan than you, or even I, can grasp. You must learn to accept that in order to do your job.”

With a sigh, Jake scrubbed his hand over his face. “That might take some work. I guess I can try, though.”

“Trying is a good first step. I believe you will get better at it.”

“Azrael? Could I ask you something else?”

Azrael nodded.

“Do the kids I’ve helped count?”

“Count? I do not understand what you mean.”

“Well, their problems were small, in the grand scheme of things. They weren’t on the brink of taking that final step—the one that would consign their souls to hell. At least, I don’t think they were. So, when I nudged them toward better choices, did that still count as part of my mission?”

“Ah. I understand now. You feel they were not in immediate peril.”

“I don’t think they were, no.”

“So, you doubt they should be part of your mission. And if I agree with this assessment, you would, of course, stop helping them?”

Jake’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t think I can do that. How can I turn my back on kids in trouble, no matter what my mission is?”

Azrael’s mouth curved up in a singularly sweet smile. “Perfect answer. Of course, they count! No one wakes up one day to find themselves standing on the precipice of damnation. They get there one step at a time. If you can stop someone in trouble from taking that very first step, you have changed that life in ways that none of us can know, until that person has reached the end of it.”

“So, what I’ve done this past week may have saved souls?”

“You may, indeed, have saved souls. There are no guarantees at any stage of a person’s journey, but every time a better choice is made, the odds for salvation are stronger. You have good instincts for people in trouble, whether in the earliest stages or the final ones. Listen to your heart, do your very best, and it is unlikely you will go wrong. Do not always assume it is your fault when you lose one. And remember—never stop believing in what you are doing.”

A weight lifted, and Jake’s spirits rose a bit. “I’ll remember. Thank you.”

And there was that angelic smile again. Somehow, it made all the difference. 

“Guess I should be getting on the road, now?”

“Yes. You have work to do.”

Azrael laid his hand on Jake’s shoulder and Jake bowed his head. When Azrael finished his whispered benediction, Jake opened his eyes to find himself alone in the truck. He cranked the engine, pulled onto the highway, and didn’t stop for the night until he’d crossed back over the Seven Mile Bridge.

It was time to say goodbye to the Keys, and he found himself ready to see what waited ahead, vowing to listen to his heart and trust himself.

“I believe you, Azrael. I can do this.”

~~~

A PINK NEON flamingo balanced one-legged atop a blinking yellow vacancy sign. That was all it took to convince Jake it was time to get some sleep. He parked his rig along one side of the motel lot, blocking several spaces. The place appeared to be nearly empty, so he hoped it wouldn’t be a problem. He needed to rest, and if they had a clean room and a functioning shower available, he didn’t intend to drive another mile.

Jake started to climb out of the semi, then paused. He couldn’t walk into that little office covered in dried blood. Crap. The next campground was at least an hour away, with no guarantee anyone would be at the ticket booth this time of night, anyhow. Plus, even if he didn’t have to get out to register, it wouldn’t mean his clothes would be invisible to the person inside the booth.

He probably still had blood all over his face, too. Angling the rearview mirror down a bit, he checked, surprised to see that not only was his face clean, it looked as though he’d had a fresh shave, as well.

Puzzled, he glanced down at his shirt, and found not so much as a drop of blood anywhere. His jeans were spotless, too, and he couldn’t help smiling. It seemed having friends in high places was pretty convenient at times.

“Thank you, Azrael,” he whispered.

A soft flicker that may or may not have been heat lightning brightened the still-dark sky. Maybe it was Azrael’s way of saying, “You are welcome.” Sure, the angel had far too many other things on his mind for something so trivial, but it made Jake feel good to imagine the response, so he went with it.

Ten minutes later, hot, soapy water cascaded over Jake’s shoulders. The room was small, but clean, and the bathroom was surprisingly well appointed. No tiny, postage stamp-sized bars of anonymous soap, for one thing. Even the towels were bigger and softer than he would have expected in a little place like this, but he wasn’t about to complain. He’d take whatever small moments of luxury he found, grateful he could still enjoy such purely physical pleasures.

Crawling between fresh, clean sheets, he shut away the pain and horror the earlier part of the night had brought. He left a 10:00 wake-up call, deciding he needed the extra rest more than he needed to be on the road at dawn. But he wouldn’t dawdle too long. There were places to go and people to help, and Jake had a very strong feeling that the days ahead were going to get busier—and harder—than ever.

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There you have today’s offering.
Stay tuned for Chapter 7 tomorrow!

THE EMISSARY