Just when I thought I had the God of Thunder all figured out, Thor decided to change the rules. He’s apparently tired of the same old stuff all the time, and asked me to find some written humor for a change. So I did. (Hey, who am I to argue with a giant Norse guard armed with a HUGE hammer?) So, brace yourself for something different, with nary a meme in sight! Enjoy!

A guy tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that’s the last thing I need.

Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you are giving blood.

Sign on liquor store: “Home schooling? Get your supplies here.”

Sign at the hospital: “Never do anything you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics or the doctors in the emergency room.”

Zoo Rules: Those who throw stones or other objects at the alligators and crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Sign at library: “I before E … Except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. W E I R D.”

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger,
but then it hit me.

And there you have it!
Hope you enjoyed a few lines of malarky courtesy of Thor!