NOTE: My apology for how long it took me to get this to show up properly on WordPress. Poetry spacing can be really tricky, and I can’t use the “Continue Reading” spacer, either, because it messed it all up, and I had to start over. GAH! But at least you can read it now, in proper verses. I think. 😀
Sue has recently started following us here at The Write Stuff, and has asked me to share one of her poems with you, as part of excerpt week. I’m very happy to do so, as it made me laugh out loud several times. It’s longer than some of you might be used to, but I promise you, it’s well worth taking the time to read. VERY amusing, indeed. Thank you for sharing, Sue, and I’ll be tweeting and sharing this one. You guys, hope you’ll remember to do so as well. The book and buying info is included at the end of the poem. Check it out!
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George and the Dragon
An’ I’ll tell the a tale old and true,
Of ‘ow good Saint George slew a dragon one day
An’ all dressed in a metal suit too.
With her listeners huddled around,
“The beast ‘ad moved in and set up ‘is abode
In a cave on the best ‘unting ground.
And the best of the royal deer too.
‘To be fair,’ said the mage, his opinion asked,
‘What else would you expect it to do?’
‘Give it one, then we’ll be in the clear.’
‘A maiden, my liege?’ said the mage in surprise,
‘Tha’ll be lucky to find one round ‘ere!’
‘Cause for maidens… ‘e’d known a fair few,
‘We’ll send out a search party over the land…
It’ll give the lads something to do.’
The very next morning the lads all set off
All caparisoned, armoured and gay,
Trouble was, they were ‘unting for pretty young maids
And wherever they found one, they’d stay.
Now the dragon had ‘etten the rest of the deer
And had now set to work on the cows,
His Majesty went to his daughter and said,
‘Hast thou kept all thy maidenly vows?’
‘But of course, Dad!’ she cried, ‘I’ve had chance for nowt else
When I’m shut in this castle all day!’
‘Just as well,’ said the King, ‘ ‘Cause we’re in a reyt mess.
Get your coat and we’ll be on our way.’
The princess was pretty with long golden hair,
The king thought he was onto a winner;
‘Now just you ‘ang on,’ she said raising her chin,
‘I can tell thee, I’m no dragon’s dinner!’
Now t’lass were fed up being shut up inside
And was ‘atching a plot of ‘er own.
‘I’ve got some conditions before we set off…
Get a pen, write it down… make it known’
Her Dad ‘ad to do as his daughter prescribed
Though her orders were not what he’d like…
‘Full half of my realm to your rescuer, lass?’
‘Write it down, Dad, or just take a hike.’
He did as she said, then she patted his hand,
‘Look, the rest of the plan’s none so bad…
I’ll marry him too, then you lose bugger all;
He can be the heir you never ‘ad.’
She had a good point and the orders were read
Through the length and the breadth of the city.
But no-one stepped up, ‘cause the dragon was big,
Even if the lass was rich and pretty.
There was only young George, at the tavern one night;
It were after bevy or seven,
His mates egged ‘im on and he drunkenly said,
‘Well, it sounds like a deal made in heaven.’
His pal were a blacksmith and all through the night
With the hammer and metal they clattered,
And made him a suit; though it rattled a bit,
That protected the assets that mattered.
He went to the king and his offer was met
With a fair bit of mocking and laughter;
‘Is there anyone else ‘ere who fancies the job?’
Asked the king… there was silence thereafter.
Now morning had come and poor George sobered up
And berated himself at ‘is folly.
‘Tha’s no gumption, lad,’ said his hungover head,
‘And in fact, tha’s an absolute wally.’
Too late to back out with the town at his feet
And the princess out there with the dragon,
‘Now if tha survives,’ the lad thought to himself,
‘Georgie boy, tha must go on the wagon.’
The cave mouth looked dark as ‘e rattled in close
And ‘e knew that ‘is chances were slim,
But with the town watching ‘e had little choice
As ‘e crept where the shadows were dim.
The suit was a pain and it chafed all the time
In some places ‘e’d rather not mention,
George swore as he crept in the cavern’s dark door
That from now on ‘e’d stick to abstention.
The townsfolk looked on and the king wrung ‘is hands
As the lad disappeared in the gloom.
They wondered how long they’d be waiting to see
If the lad really ‘ad met his doom.
Strange noises were issuing out from the cave,
And the crowd winced and cringed as they listened,
Then out came the princess with George by her side
They were carrying something that glistened.
The folk never learned just what George found inside
And poor George was the only one knowing;
The princess was cooking a nice dragon stew
Over dragon-lit embers a-glowing.
‘I skinned it,’ she said, ‘as the scales are quite tough,’
And George looked at the princess in horror.
‘You might as well eat just to keep up your strength,’
She continued, ‘You’ll need it tomorrow.’
‘Just do as I tell you and make no mistake
I will make sure they treat you right well,
But cross me just once,’ she said waving her spear,
‘Georgie boy, and I’ll make your life hell.’
So they married next day amid feasting and joy
And the wine and the mead that flowed free,
But George just sat quiet and did as she bid,
Drinking naught but a nice cup of tea.
Not a drop touched his lips of the hard stuff that day,
And his manner seemed quiet and charming,
Yet under his breath he could be heard to pray
Which the courtiers found quite disarming.
‘The man is reformed, hallelujah,’ they said,
And they found his reserve to be quaint,
But the princess just smiled, knowing better than they
Just which dragon had made George a saint.”
“Don’t be daft, Granny, please,” a dissenting voice said,
“That is not how they tell it at all.”
“Oh no?” she replied, and they followed her gaze
To the dragonskin pinned on the wall.
Reblogged this on Daily Echo and commented:
Thank you to Marcia Meara for sharing ‘George and the Dragon’
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You are very welcome, Sue, and I’m sorry it took me so long to get it to format properly. WordPress just kept cramming it all into one long verse, no matter how carefully I separated it. I was beginning to despair. 😀 But, it’s here now, and everyone can enjoy it. Thank you for contributing! 🙂
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It is still showing as just the one long verse on my screen, Marcia. I find the ‘text’ tab works for that kind of problem as a rule.
But again, thank you!
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Even after hitting refresh/reload? Because I HAND entered every line, and it’s perfect on mine, now, plus on my tablet, my iPhone, and my husbands laptop. ?? HOPE that’s all it is, because I have to stop for now, I’m afraid. And it’s a lot easier for folks to read in verses.
I’ll check it again tonight, and ask a couple of friends to check it out, too. I want it to look good for you.
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Now that’s odd… it is now coming up perfectly!
Thank you so much for doing it that way! 🙂
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I redid it about 5 different ways, to no avail, and finally did it manually. You may have been looking at it “between ways.” 😀 Sometimes it seems to depend on the theme being used. I have a different theme on each of my 4 blogs, and things do NOT post the same on them. I have to use different tricks on each one to get what I want. But all’s well that ends well, (I made that up, hahaha) and if it looks good now, I’m HAPPY!! Yay!
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I have the same problem with the ones I work with.. there is a knack to each theme apparently!
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Yeah, it can be tricky, and now that we have to contend with Beep Beep Boop, it’s even worse. Man, I hate to see those words pop up! Grrrrr.
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I don’t use the new editor. If you go to the dashboard first, then select posts, you still get the classic mode.
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Hmmm…one of my blogs still lets me use the old one, but the others quit giving me an option. I’ll have to check that out. Do you mean on each blog, or a one time setting for all of them?
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It works across all the blogs I use, just by going in via the dashboard.
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This fix may still work too.
http://scvincent.com/2015/03/24/how-to-force-a-redirect-to-the-classic-wordpress-com-editor-interface/
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Thank you for inviting me over, Marcia.
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The other fix doesn’t work for my system, tried that already. BUT going in through the DASHBOARD seems to do it! Great Goobley Ooobleys!!! I’ve been hating this new thingie for MONTHS. However, I have to do it this way: FIRST, click on WP Admin, then Dashboard, then Posts/Add New. OMG. I’m in HEAVEN! I never want to see those Beeps and Boops again as long as I live!!! Everything about that format stinks, if you ask me. Thank you 1,000 times over for sharing this! I’d do the happy dance, but my poor foot won’t let me. I’ll make a note to do one in your honor after my foot surgery in July! 😀 😀 😀
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It drove me up the wall till I realised I could get back to the classic editor this way 🙂
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In 5 years of blogging, with 4 blogs, I’ve never used the Dashboard for one thing other than to change the header on Bookin’ It from time to time. I open the first menu, and see the button to add a new post, and I don’t go any farther. Okay, make that all past tense. NOW I’m going farther, and SO worth it. I’ve made a note to explore the Dashboard in detail, in case it’s hiding any other surprises. 😀 Thanks, Sue!
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There’s lots to play with in there 🙂
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LOVE this poem – absolutely priceless!
Thanks for sharing, ladies.
I too, hate the new beepbeepboob thingy, but came across plenty of others who felt the same and found a fix I could download, I just have to use it with Chrome browser, not IE.
Such a relief to get back to the classic editor 😀
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Thanks, Deborah! Glad you enjoyed 🙂
The Beep Bop atrocity is just awful. I was so glad to find my way back to classic too!
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That downloadable fix didn’t work on my computer, Deb, and I’m so glad to know all I have to do to get the old one back is post from the DASHBOARD menu, instead of the first one that pops up. SO dang EASY, and why should it have been so hard to find out about? Very thankful to Sue.
And yes, isn’t the poem just delicious? I love it!
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Not to panic you at all, but I started off using the dashboard route, and after a while it stopped working for me, and now goes to the hideous beep thing 😦
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Not panicking…. no… just a minor earthquake…
Have you tried the fix I posted above? That might help.
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GAAAH. I just FOUND it! I don’t want to lose it already. I can’t use the Chrome thing. 😦 Well, I guess I’ll enjoy it while I can. *going off mumbling curses that all end with “beep, beep, boop.”*
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Sue its absolutely fabulous! Couldn’t stop laughing and such a great ending! Xxx
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Thanks, Ali. Glad it raised a chuckle or two 🙂
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